All Alone Even When Surrounded (Open)

[chelsea]

This was her spot. Down here by the lake under a small oak. This was where Chelsea came to be alone, to escape the bedlam that was the school. In fact, she was almost certain that this was what was keeping her sane. With everything that was going on in her life, she needed an escape every now and then. Crowds scared her. She kept imagining everyone whispering about her, about her life and her situation. How broken and frail she was because of what her father did to her. She was a bit paranoid perhaps, but try telling that to the thoughts in her head.

She had discovered this little spot in the second week of her first year here. She was not used to this new environment and she was terrified, her little eleven year old mind going crazy at all the new thoughts an information. She was finally away from her home and her father, but still, she felt anything but safe. She trusted no one and as a result, spoke to no one. As a result, she had very little friends, but in some way, that was alright. Though, she really wished she had someone to talk to. Despite all that she had been through, that was one of the things that she really missed the most....having a friend. She had had friends of course, before her family moved to the city and her father went....well crazy for lack of a better term. He had driven all her friends away. No one wanted to be friends with the girl with the crazy father, and Chelsea also suspected that some of her former friends families though that her father was dangerous, which he was of course, if only they knew just how dangerous he was.

So it was here that she felt the most safe. Still, some company would be lovely. If only she was worth it.....

[grace]

At a time when most students were excited about the impending summer holiday, Grace couldn't find it in herself to be happy, not with what had happened to her in March, only two months ago. It was hard to think of that terrible event in terms of months, and she felt nowhere closer to being over it than the day it had happened. Physically, she was back to normal, but emotionally, Grace feared she may be damaged beyond repair. Even the beautiful weather outside failed to raise her spirits, and she was beginning to wonder why she had even left her bed that morning. Most days even that was a struggle, and oftentimes she didn't bother on the weekends.

But today Grace had put herself through that struggle, but for what purpose? Each day it got a little harder, a little bit more of her gave up. She was at rock bottom, and even this walk of the grounds on a pleasant day, which would normally cheer her up, wasn't doing anything for her. Figuring she might as well go to see the hippogriffs, as she hadn't been down to their enclosure since March. Grace had bonded with the creatures, there had been a time where she went down there every day, but not anymore...

Grace was expecting she would be alone, though she looked up from her feet long enough to see a fellow Hufflepuff, she didn't know her name, she was older. Grace attempted to smile, though it didn't work very well, and the gesture failed quickly.

[chelsea]

Chelsea was so deep in her own thoughts, that it caught her completely off guard when she noticed that she was not alone. This girl standing so close to her may have been there for seconds or for as long as a half hour, she had no way of knowing. Her reflexes took over, and she drew back a bit, instantly on guard. She looked familiar, though she did not know her well, not even her name. But she was wearing her own house colors, so she felt just a bit ashamed that she did not know her since she was a fellow Hufflepuff, but given her situation, it really was not all that surprising.

Chelsea took a few moments to study her new companion. She had given a quick smile, but it had faded almost as soon as it came. She looked younger than her own sixteen years, though not by much. She had blond hair, just a little lighter than her own, but her eyes, her eyes looked almost exactly like hers. There was a pain behind them, a sadness that could not easily be hidden. This girl had gone through something terrible. Maybe as bad as what she herself had gone through.

It was for that reason that Chelsea decided to take down at least a little of her shield. "I am sorry if I startled you. If you want, you can share my tree, I don't mind".

Those two two sentences took a lot for her to say, but she felt good about saying them. Taking a deep breath, she went on. "My name is Chelsea by the way. I see you are in Hufflepuff, though I do not remember your name....."

[grace]

Grace wasn't expecting any social interaction at all, actually, most people didn't bother with her. Funny, the reputation one could get for being different. She was the mute girl. No other identity, simply mute. It wasn't as if she had a name, or any other defining characteristics. But Grace had grown comfortable beneath her label, people left her alone, and these days it was all that she really wanted, unless said company was Marvel... But the girl she had given a courtesy smile to had been more outgoing than expected, apologizing if she had startled her, and offering to share the tree.

Well, that was uncommonly kind, she wasn't used to it. But perhaps it was because Grace didn't let anybody in, so very few people had been allowed past her barriers. Even fewer after the attack on the school in December- when she had lost her brother, as well as the last of her innocence... She shoved the thoughts from her mind, she would be expected to speak... Not making any gestures to the older girl, she dug around in her pockets for a crumpled piece of scratch paper and a pen. I'm Grace, nice to meet you. she wrote in her elegant cursive. She was sure once the girl, Chelsea had her name, she would know who she was. The mute girl. The broken, lonely, defeated mute girl.

Biting her lip lightly, Grace held up the paper so Chelsea could see it. Her insides squirmed uncomfortably, she didn't really like passing notes with people she didn't know. Having always had a good amount of social anxiety, it had only increased over what she had experienced over the past few months.

[chelsea]

Chelsea had just had the most social interaction that she had had in a very long time, and it terrified the hell out of her. She kept waiting for this other girl...she still did not know her name, to laugh at her before turning and running away. Outside, she still held onto her friendly demeanor, but on the inside, she was trembling like a newborn deer. Only second had passed since she had made her offer to sit next to her, but it seemed like hours.

Finally, the other girl dug what looked like a scrap piece of paper out of her pocket and started to write. That was a bit odd, but Chelsea was the last person to judge anyone to be strange, since she hated it when others judged her. She waited patiently until the girl finished writing and held the paper up for her to read.

Chelsea read the short introduction and instantly she understood. She could not speak. That explained so much, the writing of course as well as the pain and sadness that she had initially saw in her eyes. In a flash, she felt an instant kinship with this girl...Grace she knew now. She had, of course, seen her around the common room, and she was a fellow chaser on the quiddich team, but until now, she had dismissed her lack of speaking on being shy and her not knowing her name on HER being too shy.

It was then and there that Chelsea decided to be really friendly to Grace. Who knew, they may even develop a friendship. but she was NOT going to push that issue.

"Well Grace, It is nice to meet you as well."

She motioned with her right hand to the empty spot next to her.

"My offer still stands. You can join me if you want. It's nice out and this is a good spot to think, and to be alone. But only if you want to of course. If you would rather be somewhere else or with someone else, I understand".

She said this last part with a low voice, almost a whisper as she hung her head. She had gone too far now, she knew it.

[grace]

Grace continued to bite her lip, tentatively looking over at Chelsea, but not maintaining any eye contact. She recognized the girl from Quidditch practice, she was surprised that she had needed the reminder, but she didn't talk to anyone around school, except her family, which now only stood at Lily and Martin. There had been a point where she had talked to Caleb, but now... Grace wasn't sure if she could anymore, not after what he had done to her, how badly he had ruined her. Thankfully, it had yet to spread through the school that anything at all had happened to her, no one seemingly noticing that she had spent a week in the infirmary that spring.

Nobody would waste their breath spreading rumours about her, it was pointless anyway. Not that Grace would complain about that, she liked being invisible, being able to fly under the radar, not turn any heads or raise any suspicions. Life was easier without that many people to deal with. Grace would rather be with animals, they never expected words, she took to them and them to her, like a mutual understanding. It was as if they knew of her pain, and that because of it she wouldn't inflict any upon them. She watched Chelsea indirectly, nodding as she spoke.

Just looking at the girl she seemed to have something similar to her own pain, that look in the eyes that Grace refused to meet with her own gaze, that haunted quality that so very few people had. Going out on a limb, she took up the offer that had been offered to her a second time, this one much quieter, almost defeated in nature. She closed the gap between them, sitting down and lightly folding her legs beneath her, pen and paper still in hand, she would undoubtedly need it. Grace knew what it was like, to be alone, and even in her self-pity she could find sympathy for others.

Grace pondered if she should write anything on her crumpled scrap paper to get meager conversation started, but she wouldn't know where to even begin, she wasn't well-versed in anything social. Grace was just fine around her family, but when it came to people she hadn't learned to trust... They had to lead.

[chelsea]

With her head still downcast, Chelsea did not see Grace take a seat next to her, only heard the rustling of her clothes as she took a seat. She felt relieved that her offer had been taken up on, she honestly did not expect it to be. Still, she did not raise her head. Not only did she not want to look too eager, but a few tears had started to fall, and she did not want her new companion to see how weak she really was.

She took a few deep breaths to calm herself, willing the tears to stop. There was no way to hide the evidence the tears left on her face, she couldn't wipe her face without making it obvious what she was doing. She would have to just hope for the best. Though there was something about Grace that made her think that it would not be a big deal. Chelsea had a feeling they both had a scarred past and emotional wounds that would make each other understand what the other was going through.

Taking one final calming breath, she raised her head and gave a smile to the girl sitting beside her. She was looking almost as nervous and untrusting as Chelsea felt. What a pair they made! Both afraid to talk to each other. Well, if they were going to be the least bit friendly, that was going to have to end.

Again taking the initiative, Chelsea took another chance and straightened herself out, composing herself as much as she could, and gave a large smile to Grace. "Thank you. You didn't have to sit you know. I am sure that there are other people you would rather talk to than me. I'm not much you know. Look at me, I'm a wreck!" She said all of this in a rush, trying maybe a little too hard to be friendly, and right now, self depreciation was all she could think of. It was her go to reaction.

Let's start over shall we? My name is Chelsea Hicks and I am a sixth year Hufflepuff. I love quiddich, the outdoors, hunting, fishing, and riding horses. In fact, I love all animals in general. I am originally from Nottinghamshire, but my family moved to London a few years ago and......."She paused here. Getting into her family history now was not a good idea, especially with someone she barely knew. She would have to remember to hide those scars carefully if she wanted any hope of having a friend in this girl. ...and my favorite subject is Care of magical creatures"[./color] she finished lamely.

Looking at Grace more carefully, she noticed that she still had that crumbled piece of paper. Inspiration struck. "I notice that you still have that paper. If we are going to have a conversation, you may need more."Chelsea dug into her backpack, which was sitting next to her and pulled out a few spare sheets. She handed them to Grace with a smile, hoping that the other girl understood that she was trying to be nice. "There you go. So, tell me about you...what you want to of course."

[grace]

Grace folded her hands in her lap to prevent herself from wringing them nervously, she didn't do well around other people, especially these days. Before Kevin had died she would have gone everywhere with her brother, in spite of the fact that he had been a Ravenclaw, he had had the innate ability to keep her calm, even when there were people she didn't know around. It had been him to drag her to school social functions, like Halloween parties and Yuletide Balls, she was too nervous to go otherwise. But now that he wasn't here... She felt more alone than ever, nobody knew how badly her heart ached, how afraid she was...

Grace couldn't even tell what had happened to her in March, what Caleb had done, she feared him more than anyone else. She'd rather face a Death Eater by herself than stand up to him. He'd almost killed her the first time with his hands alone, there was no telling what he'd do if she were to confront him. Grace looked over at Chelsea in time to see the tears, immediately puzzled as to why she might be crying. She herself was spending hours keeping her tears hidden. Oftentimes curled up beneath her blankets, pulled right over her head so nobody could see.

She wished she had a tissue or something to offer, nobody like Chelsea, so innocent, yet so laden with pain, should have to go without something that simple. But she had nothing other than her pen and her paper, which she needed to keep to herself so she could respond with more than nodding or shaking her head, or shrugging. Most of the time, that was what she was limited to, even when she did have the resources to do otherwise, since she was usually too nervous to even pen responses. She was best left alone.

Though she could help but feel a small ray of hope as Chelsea went on to give a little introduction of herself. It seemed... promising, that someone would want to put that kind of effort into talking with her. In the rare cases others needed to interact with her, they did so with as few words as possible. She again tried to smile as she was handed a few more pieces of paper, the scrap sheet she had definitely wouldn't last very long. Poising one of the fresh pieces on her lap, she wondered what she ought to write, perhaps she ought to reciprocate what Chelsea had told her. That seemed like a good idea.

I'm in fifth year. I like Quidditch a lot, too, I'm also an outdoorsy person + animal-lover. I work at the magical menagerie, I tend to the animals. Care of Magical Creatures is also my favourite, charms and potions are close second, though. But I'm dreadful at history and astronomy. Grace penned in her elegant cursive before turning the paper on her lap so Chelsea could read it more easily. So far, this seemed like one of the more promising interactions she'd had in a while, nobody around school knew half of what she'd just written to Chelsea.

[chelsea]

So far, so good. For the first time in a long time, Chelsea was comfortable in a social interaction with another person that was not her sister. Her fears of rejection and scorn were slowly starting to fade from her consciousness. So far, Grace had not shown herself to be like anyone else, the people that she feared, and for that reason, she was more than willing to open up around her, but not too much of course. There were some thing that she still had to keep for herself. But who knew, in time, if they got closer, Grace could be the one person outside of her family that she would tell about her secret.

But that was not today. Chelsea smiled and waited patiently while Grace wrote another note in response to her chatter. If she was not imagining things, she could almost tell if the other girl was relaxing around her as well. That was a good sign, and it meant that Chelsea had perhaps made a friend, and that was both scary and exhilarating at the same time.

Grace finished her note and showed it to Chelsea. She read it and could not help to have a huge smile spread across her face. It was like they were meant to meet today. She had the same interests that she did. And even better, she worked with animals. Chelsea would have to ask if she could come with her to work one day. That was one of the things she missed about living in the country...being around animals.

"Don't worry, I am horrible at astronomy as well, but I have a knack for history. I can help you study for that if you don't mind helping me with potions. I can never seem to avoid blowing up my cauldron!" She gave a short laugh, relieved that this conversation was going so well, and giddy with the prospect of making a new friend. One that she was fairly certain would be a very good friend. One thing she knew about herself, once you earned her trust, she would fight to the death for you.

[grace]

Grace continued to bite her lip, unable to shake her nervousness, she didn't really have reason to be, Chelsea had not given a single sign that she had malicious intent behind her pretty face and kind smile. But, Caleb had been the same way at first, when he had won her over, before he had damaged her beyond repair. She had been wary of people anyway, given all that her father had done to her, but the latest experience had only made her more mistrustful of people, even less likely to get into any social situations. Grace had almost forgotten how to conduct herself. Or perhaps it was only because Chelsea was a stranger.

Granted, the slightly older blonde had a lot in common with her, but they were strangers nonetheless. It took Grace ages to open up to people, even enough so to the point where she would speak. Marvel had earned her trust the quickest of anyone, but even with him Grace had needed six months to learn how to relax and eventually come to trust him. She still remembered the day she had first spoken to him, more vividly than she cared to admit, she had come in to work that day with a black eye and a various assortment of other petty injuries, and he had tended to her.

And then there had been that time in the hospital wing when he had comforted her, they had exchanged a kiss... Grace cared for him a great deal, though she couldn't help but be almost afraid at the idea of love. Look where it had gotten her so far. Grace smiled a bit at Chelsea's words and short laugh, though it was as short-lived and hollow as the first one she had attempted. Grace simply didn't have a smile in her, at least not one that was genuine, it was just too much to ask of her to be happy, not right now. The emotion was foreign, unattainable, even.

I'm sure we can make a team on that. Grace wrote, finding the idea of helping not only someone who wasn't family, but also in a year ahead of her, with their schoolwork was a bit odd. She herself had been fairly good at potions, it was mostly following a recipe, not unlike cooking. There just wasn't much margin for error. Getting a sudden idea, she added to the paper- Ever go down to visit the hippogriffs? I was headed that way. Grace turned the paper once more.

[chelsea]

This was turning out to be a pretty good day after all. When she had come down here a hour before, Chelsea had no idea that something like this would happen. She never expected it. She always thought that she was unwanted and unneeded, and as a result, thought very low of herself. She did not expect anyone to want to talk to her, much less sit next to her and share a fun conversation. But here it was, happening, and for the first time in a long time, she truly felt happy.

She smiled when Grace accepted her offer. In truth, she was not as bad at potions as she made herself out to be, but it was something that she had grabbed on in the heat of the moment to have a conversation. She was not great at it, not even close, and she would definitely benefit from the younger girl's help, and she looked forward to helping her gaze at the stars. That had a whole corny romantic quality to it, but she quickly shoved that aside. She had no time for that, and after what she had been through, it was the furthest thing from her mind. Besides, Grace was a girl, and she had never thought of a girl that way....until recently of course, but that had nothing to do with her current situation.

She smiled at Grace again when she showed her her new note. "No in fact. I have never gone along to see the hippogriffs, though now that you mention it, it sounds like a lot of fun". Chelsea stood and offered her hand to Grace.

"If you were on your way down there, would you mind terribly if I joined you? I would love to see them and I would love the company even more".

[grace]

This was honestly going better than Grace had expected, she hadn't thought that any real interaction would come of it, but here they were, having a full conversation. Granted, she had to write her own half down, but that didn't seem to faze Chelsea, and if it did she wasn't indicating otherwise. Nevertheless, Grace remained slightly anxious, her guard raised. It wasn't something that she could turn off, not unless one of her brothers or Marvel was around. They had a way of calming her, even if Martin was, well, probably about as well off emotionally as she was. He'd been a wreck ever since the battle.

Grace hadn't heard him say a word since, his silence was beginning to make her look talkative, which was saying something. It wasn't exactly a feat that most people could accomplish without driving themselves crazy. Grace worried about him. Though she didn't have long to dwell on him before Chelsea had stood, offering a hand up and asking if she minded her joining her to go down and see the hippogriffs. She bit her lip, tentatively considering taking Chelsea's hand, she was anxious about interaction, and even more so about touch. She mentally told herself she was being stupid. The girl wasn't going to hurt her.

She took her hand and allowed herself to be helped up. Grace shook her head, no, she didn't mind. Whether the hippogriffs would, that was another story. But Chelsea seemed like a gentle soul, surely the creatures wouldn't mind. Grace then gestured with her hand as if to say "come on" before beginning to lead the way to the enclosure.